Talking through my panic attack....

So I am sitting at my desk today (surprisingly I DO have a lot to get done today) and I start getting some little ovary growing pains....makes sense, they are doing what they are supposed to be doing so I start thinking about my u/s and IUI and am starting to get a bit panicky. I am well aware there is probably no need to worry about this, but lets face it, it's what I do, and here's what is crossing my mind.

~I am using the EXACT same protocol as my last "successful" IUI: 100mg clomid cd3-7 and 75IU's of Follistim cd8-11.

~Now, on my last cycle I had my first (and ended up being only) u/s on cd11 in which I already had a 20mm follie on one side and a 14mm on the other. One was definitely mature and I will admit the other may have benefited from more growing time. But, if you think about this, since I didn't O until cd14 those follies could have potentially grew to 24mm and 18mm by the time they released (which obviously if you know my history, both did).

~Subsequently my trigger shot was done late night on cd12 with an IUI on early cd14.

~My first u/s for this cycle isn't even until cd13...two days later than "normal" for me. So if I have my u/s, I can get my trigger that evening and have my IUI the morning of cd15 at the earliest.

Now, after saying all of that I know in the long run a day doesn't make that much of a difference (or you can argue that a day does make a difference when dealing with O), but all of the sudden I feel like that is too late for me. I have had an IUI on cd15 before, but I was only on 50mg of clomid, not 100, and there was no FSH involved....so it would make sense if my egg wasn't quite ready on cd14. Also, I should have mentioned that my first IUI was on cd13, which I believe was too early and I didn't O until the next day (essentially being too late since washed sperm don't last as long), and I have come to learn I consistently O about 36 hours post trigger, not 24 like my first IUI protocol.

I think this is all about trust and control for me though. I love my new RE, I really do and I KNOW he is different than my last one, but given my history I am finding it a bit hard to trust my doc in this position because with Dr. JA he never listened to me, but I always ended up being right...about my IUI timing, about my response to the meds, about my m/c...the list can go on and on. Him trying to control me and my body without listening to what I had to say caused me a lot of heartache....and that is hard to get over. Again, I need to reiterate that I do love my new doc...by all first impressions I get a sense he really cares about me getting pregnant, not just for this success rates, but because I am a person, and his patient. So in my head I know he knows what he is going, and I need to give him a chance without prejudice...even if it means him learning about my body from failed cycles.

Lastly, it just crossed my mind that I'm not sure if my insurance will cover my mid-cycle u/s if it's not done at my actual infertility clinic...crap...oh well, not much I can do about it now huh? Oh and, I did call my doc to let him know where I was in my cycle, and I am going to asked about maybe getting my first u/s on cd12 instead of 13 and about the IUI timing in both cases....so I may have an update about all of this later today once his nurse calls me back.

Oh, and no one really needs to comment unless they want to...this post was really just me rambling and typing out what I was thinking...it makes me feel better =)