Sunday, July 25, 2010

Better Me, Rule One

I will not feel guilty for sleeping on the weekends after working night shift. See, ever since I started nights, I've had a hard time sleeping during the day....occasionally its because we have something going on and I dont get a chance to sleep like I would like, but most of the time its because I have this "guilt" I am missing out on weekend time with Cullen and Thomas so I get up....then go back to work at night....completely exhausted.

So, my new rule is I wont feel guilty for sleeping 5-6 hours during the day on weekends. I spend every moment with Cullen from Monday morning until Friday it's not like I'm not around at all, and plus, Thomas needs to spend the time with Cullen sans Mommy.

Three cheers for saying good-bye to sleep deprivation and never going more than 24 hours without sleep =D

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Hi, my name is Katie.....I am sick, but I am blessed. I have Cystic Fibrosis, but I am "healthy". I played sports all through high school, I can normally walk, run, and exercise and only get "normal" expected shortness of oxygen needed. I have a son that I carried, gave birth to and breastfed and, who now I can chase after and play with....a dream for many women with CF that may never come true. I dont own a vest or do daily nebs....I only have an as needed inhaler. I don't take digestive enzymes.....I do take ADEK. Im not underweight. I have only been hospitalized once in my life and have had 2 PICC lines....double-lung transplant has never been in my all CF standards I am completely abnormal....yet, recently, with the harsh year I've had in regards to being sick....I've quickly realized this may not always be the case. I've realized that my reality may one day be my history, my "used to", and I cant let that happen. I have too much to live for now. It's time to focus on I can stay ahead of this disease.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's wedding season

I have talked several times about my love/hate relationship with on this blog, and now that it's wedding season Im leaning more toward my hate state. Everytime I get on I see more pictures from weddings......acquaintances tying the knot, even people I had really good relationships with in high school, and then of course there are all the pictures of weddings that all of my acquaintances are going too.....yes blogland, love is in the air......BUT thats not the point of this post.

I started thinking about "the list" know, the wedding list, the invitation, the ticket in the door so to speak. Then I realize I have never made anyone's "list", apparently I suck that bad. And let me clarify that it's not like I expected too because I dont really keep up with anyone from my past, but still. Maybe it amazes me more how many people DO keep up with (apparently close enough to make "the list) a lot of people from our high school.....maybe it's small (pop 25,000) town thing. I was even on a sports team for 4 years with basically the same girls and nada.

However, in the six years Thomas and I have been together we have only been invited to 3 cousin's, Thomas' best friend, and my best friend since middle school, but we werent actually invited to the wedding because it was at the temple in Utah and we aren't LDS. Most of the people we work with are already married, and he never went to college so he doesnt have "college buddies". My experience in college was a bit untraditional so I never made "good friends" during those years. I graduated as fast as I could while living off campus and started in the workforce. I will say though, that now I am returning for a 2nd degree I have met several people who I consider "friends"...unfortunately, most of them are already married too......bummer.

Truthfully, none of this REALLY matters in the long run, but it sort of makes me feel lame and down on myself, even in my adulthood. It brings out the fact I never had a close group in high school or college. I was known by a lot of people, but didnt quite fit in all the way apparently. Like I's wedding season on and Im not invited....sad too, because I love weddings, haha.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Round-Up

Wow, if I would have waited another week it would have made a whopping 6 months since I said a word on here. There are a lot of reasons I havent had a voice in awhile, some are on hiatus right now, some are fixed, and others....well, they always linger in the background.

First, I just went through the most challenging semester of my life. Not that work was hard necessarily, but between my hours at school, clinical time, working (nights nonetheless), and trying to be a mom somewhere in there, I just couldnt give anymore of myself to anyone...hence the silence. Even writing, sharing....blogging...became another chore I was just not ready to undertake. My marriage took (another!) hard hit. Things are better and we are surviving, but because of many of the reasons listed all just went downhill fast. I never slept, I would go days at a time and get a few hours of sleep....I was sick, very sick....still recovering from that and not back to 100% just yet. Our finances....well....let's just say we are still here, it's not a happy place, but we havent drowned yet....thanks to gracious gifts from family. However, the house is back on the market and we are keeping our fingers crossed. We still have money for gas and food....just can't get them on the same week.

But it's summer now, Im getting a break from school and spending my days with little man. Im thankful for getting this time with him because I know when the semester starts again, he wont get as much attention from me as I would like. However, I will say, I love the daycare we take him to, and its wonderful for him to get the social interaction.

I dont expect anyone to be reading this anymore, but I want to start writing again....for me...we shall see.