Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!!

I like Halloween...mainly because I like Fall. Last year I dressed up as a sexy librarian, but I'm not so sure I can pull that off this time around....I've opted for the more pumpkin-y look, lol. Actually, I'm wearing a T-shirt that says "BABY" and dubbed myself Captain Obvious ;-).

Anyways, I hope everyone has a great day and for those going out this evening, with or without children....BE SAFE AND ENJOY!!! Oh, and think of me from time to time because my big activity for the evening is putting my sink together and getting my countertops installed....however, I can't complain too much because my kitchen is almost done....YIPPEE!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

I mean, really?!?!

Anyone else see this story?

A woman in Japan in charged (not with murder however) but charged none the less for "killing" her husband's online character after he "virtually" divorces her. Seriously? I swear, sometimes I think MY life is out of whack and then I see stuff like this....sort of makes you feel normal huh?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Psst...guess what....

It's my blogoversary! =) A year of blogging under my belt, and just to reminisce (and celebrate!) how far I have come in this past year, I give you my first two blogs (posted on the same day):

"Ok, so I've been living in the world labeled "infertility" for over a year now, which means we have been trying for over two. I've always been a lurker on other infertility blogs, and found comfort in them, but never started my own....until now. I finally realize I need a place to vent, bitch, or laugh to keep from crying, and hope to help people in my shoes along the way. Enjoy!"

"I'm sure anyone who has ever suffered through a loss (unfortunately I can't say mine is over yet, but still) has heard this exact statement. I first heard it from my doctor, then my mom, then both of my SIL's. Now, before going any further I will admit that I used to be one of "those" TTCers who secretly thought this occasionally for those who got their BFP and then returned to the world of TTC (as a side note, this was NEVER thought about in regards to an IFer). There were even times in the deep, dark spot of a crappy cycle that I thought "at least if that happens to me, I would know I could at least conceive in the first place."

Yeah I now know that statement is completely and utterly crazy! Who in the hell in their right mind would wish this upon themselves?!??! I have been on both sides of fence, and believe me I preferred the days when I was still wondering if I could conceive or not. Fear of the unknown is nothing like the fear of wondering if this will happen again *if* we ever conceive again. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done so far in my journey.

I don't blame those who make this statement because they don't "know" what it's truly like unless it happened to them, and honestly it does seem like the most appropriate thing to say in a time like this. I will even go as far as to say that I have said it to myself several times since this whole ordeal began, and it did offer some comfort.....but a word to the wise, coming from other people....this statement doesn't help (at least not when wounds are fresh). To me it's the same as telling someone going through secondary IF that they should be happy because they conceived before and have a healthy child, even when their heart is aching for another little one. Seems similar, yes? Anyways...just my ramblings for tonight.

P.S-This is in no way directed toward anyone specific. It was just something I was pondering after hearing this again from my doctor today and realizing how many times I've heard it in the past 2 weeks."

I'm not the best of bloggers out there, but I try and I'm really trying to get this blog hopping again ;-)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


My house is in full demolition mode right now.... I don't have a working kitchen, there is an unframed hole in my wall and this Friday the guy is coming to rip out and update our bathroom. Then Saturday my dad and uncle are coming to lay the tile floors in the kitchen and bathroom and sometime between Sunday and next Friday my new cabinets and countertops will be installed in the kitchen, the see-through will be finished and my bath gets a new vanity, new fixtures and an air vent. Lastly, the following Saturday (Nov. 1st) my new appliances are being delivered and my laundry room is getting a new organizing system.

Whew....can we say busy?!?!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Because it's something that changes you forever....

October 15th......Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day throughout the US. It is a special day, a day to remember, a day to reflect...and a day to know that every other woman, couple, family and friend who has had to endure such an event is honoring it right along with you.

However, this year is a special year because this year has another purpose as well. Ever hear of H.R. 5979? H.R. 5979 is the Stillbirth Awareness and Research written by antigone:

"More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979."

Today is important. THIS is important.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The beginning of the end

One year ago today I saw what should have been my twins for the first time. A year ago today I already knew something was wrong. A year ago, I spent the next two days worrying and researching until my fears were confirmed two days later by a doctor that truly cared. Then for the next three days I did nothing but cry, needless to say it was a hard week, and honestly I fell more in love with my husband for reasons that I would have never understood before.

I can't believe it's been a year....a year since I saw the first tear in my husband's eye when he saw his "babies" on the screen. A whole year of my life that really doesn't seem that long at all. What I really can't believe is a year later I am sitting here smiling at my 33 week belly as I feel my son move and stretch inside it. That is truly a miracle to me. One of my greatest fears after losing my first pregnancy, and having the dream of children ripped from my heart once again was that we would have to go years more of nothing. Years more of infertility and heartache...but that didn't happen, and sometimes I still wonder, through it all, how I got so blessed.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


You know what bugs me? The fact that the nutritional information on a popcorn bag is based on unpopped popcorn. I mean, really, who needs to know the value of unpopped kernels?!? Are you eating unpopped kernels? Nope...I'm pretty sure everyone I've ever known actually POPS their popcorn before eating it, so why is the main nutritional information based on that and the popped popcorn information is in teeny tiny writing at the bottem with an asterisk beside it? for thought.

Monday, October 6, 2008

My 200th post, and a Perfect Moment Monday

First of all, I want to say sorry for being such a crappy blogger. I'm not exactly sure what happened because I was reading back in my archives the other day and this blog used to be a fairly interesting place to read. I suspect it is because I have been devoting most of my writing time to my other blog, and this one subsequently fell by the wayside which I do feel bad about. However, I have decided that once Cullen arrives this will be my main blog again....MY blog, about my thoughts, my interests, my family, my things are going to pick back up. Can I combine blogs once my pregnancy is over? In other words, can I take all the posts from Second Chance Miracle and put them on this blog in order I wrote them there....can anyone answer this for me?

Anyways, I was saving this 200th post for Oct. 15th, which is the Awareness day for miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss seeing as that would bring this blog around full circle, but I was reading about "Perfect Moment Monday" on Weebles Wobblog and wanted to participate (I have a moment on my other blog too).

My perfect moment happened yesterday morning when my husband left for work. Since it was Sunday, it was my day to sleep in (his is Friday) and my wonderful husband knows I haven't been sleeping well so before he left he kissed my forehead, made sure I had all of my pillows, tucked the covers in around me and told me to get some rest. I really do love Sundays =)