Thursday, January 24, 2008

As if I didn't know....

12dpiui=BFN=that's all folks. DH and I are taking a brief hiatus from TTC. Once AF makes her lovely appearance this time around there will be no more temping, no more peeing, no more medication, no more u/s and no more procedures for a little while. Two and half years is too fucking long to still not be pregnant and have nothing wrong. Inherently SOMETHING has to be wrong because I have I mentioned we aren't pregnant? But alas, nothing medical is wrong. Of course I will notice if I ever have EWCM and such like that simply because, well, I do pee at least once a day, haha.

February, March and April are going to be a bitch because I have one baby shower, two baby birthday parties, and one birth to endure. Luckily since I'm not TTC anymore I can happily drink my way through most of it ;-)

Oh and, I may take a brief commenting hiatus too. It's not that I don't want to support everyone, I do...and I might still be lurking, it's just that it hurts and I don't have the strength to go through your pain (and sometimes even your happiness) too while dealing with the concept of giving up right now. My heart is so full, yet so empty at the same time.


MDShamrocks07 said...

I just wrote a post about this on my blog.

(((HUGS))) and I'm always here for you. You'll understand when you read my blog.


nancy said...

Hey darlin'.

I'm really sorry. Really, really, really sorry.

I'm going to hash out some thoughts here. Feel free to disagree w/ me, since I'm making assumptions.

Do you think that women, such as yourself, can put too much hope into a cycle? So much hope that it puts you into the position that you just want to quit?

I see it post miscarriage a lot and post "big step" treatment wise. That first cycle after m/c brings up so much hope for some women. They were JUST pregnant, damn it - "do it again! You know what to do now body!!! I just stumbled upon the 'winning combination' to pregnancy so now I can do it again!!"

And then there is the BIG treatment (like that first IUI or IVF) or the FIRST treatment after ttc for some time. So much hope goes into them and then, when it fails, all hope is lost. And the "TAB" comes up.

I would just hate to know some girls were about to get a real chance, only to quit trying because of that lost hope.

As much as it all sucks, do you think you put too much hope into this one cycle? Did you have higher expectations than the normal 20~ish % that comes with IUI?

Tammy's Thought Pattern said...

I understand why you are TAB for now. It has been a rough few months.

I would hate to see it last too long, though.

I have few regrets in my life but one big on is taking so long to admit I was IF. I took a 12 cycle break instead and I could kick myself for it now.

Whatever you end up doing, we are here for you.


Jen said...

That really sucks. I hope your break gives you the peace you are looking for.

Brianna said...

Ahh honey, I'm so sorry! I feel your pain and I too am taking a break. You know your body and your mind the best. I know its so hard to get to that point of really making the decision to take a break. If you ever need to talk, about anything, not just TTC, please feel free to e-mail me at We are all here to support you.

Aimee AKA adlz said...

Aw, Kat, I'm so sorry. I hope you guys have lots of healing together-time while you TAB from all of this. (((BIG HUGS)))

Monica Fayth said...

I'm right there with you, sister!