Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Why people don't get it

Notice I said "why people don't get it" not "why don't people get it?" See the difference there? Rather than asking the question over and over again, I think I figured it out....

It is T minus 4 days until my cousin's baby shower (that yes, I am going to assuming her BP doesn't sky rocket again and they take the baby early, but that is another story) because although it will probably not be very enjoyable for me, NOT going would cause more of a ruckus in my family than going and being "anti-social".....maybe. Anyways, my mom and I were discussing this exact thing on Sunday, and here is how I explained it.....

For the most part, people (i.e-fertile people) don't see the forest for the trees (as a sidenote: is this statement "forest for the trees" or "forest through the trees" because I have honestly seen it both ways). For example, when I went home after my niece was born back in Oct of 06 and cried for two hours, people see that as being "selfish" because I was hindering someone else's special day. "They" think it is silly of my to be upset because certainly "you will be pregnant in no time" certainly "By the time (insert family holiday here) rolls around you will be pregnant and acting this way right now will seem 'childish' and self-centered" or "you are young". Which in my mind can be translated as....you are young and have a lot of time or you are young and fertile....pick your poison there. Unfortunately "they" aren't fortune tellers and little did they know a year later I wouldn't have a baby.....a year later, 2 days before her one year birthday party I would find out I am going to lose my twins.

The problem is people only see and react to the immediate. They only see how you are responding right this second, if you are having a good day or a bad day right NOW. What they don't fully comprehend is all of the bad days that led up to "the big one", all of the circumstances that are causing you to be anti-social (translate bitchy) at a baby shower or birthday party. They don't realize or care how long you have tried up until this point, or how long in your heart you know you will have to go to succeed. It is sad, but true, don't you think? And it is this ignorance that puts a stigma on those of us going through IF. It is the phenomena that allows people to call us bitter, cold, selfish, etc, etc. THIS is the problem with people.

Although I am more brazen about expressing this concept to other people in such situations, my Mom (God bless her) basically said she was gonna let anyone have it who says one word about how I act that day....she actually used the word bitch in our conversation and if you knew my mom.....hell just froze over.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I think it is forest for the trees. But I have heard it both ways too.

Very few people actually understand something unless they have experienced it themselves.

Nice mom. I am glad you will have some support there. My mom doesn't even say sucks. So I can imagine hell freezing over myself.