What do you smell like?

Since returning to work I have noticed many things, but one thing that sticks out is how much you can smell other people throughout the day. I'm not talking about stinky smells (although this may be the case for some) but the smell of someone's perfume or shampoo/lotion or the food or coffee they are carrying. Because I'm back and forth between the 7th floor a lot now (it's where our pump room is), I notice that every time I get on the elevator it smells different. I've also noticed that some people have the same smell everyday....like the same perfume for example. Then I started to realize how *little* I smell, lol. I mean I wear scented deodorant so I get a hint of that every now and then, but when it comes to MY smell, as in pass me in the hall and notice a fragrance, I don't really have one. My shampoo doesn't smell like anything, I don't use perfume or body splashes, and my lotion is usually something bland like oatmeal or almond butter, plus we've already established I do use deodorant, so hopefully we can rule the stinky smells out too, lol.

Anyways, this leads me into my question for the day. Do you people out there in blogger world have a certain smell you use everyday? If so, what? Specifics please....like exact name and place, for example "warm vanilla sugar from bath and body works".

Also, do you like to smell other people? When you get on an elevator and it's overwelmed with scent (again, hopefully good), do you go "wow, that smells nice" or "at least it doesn't stink in here" or are you part of the crowd that thinks "jeez, overkill"?

Back on track!

Ahh...today I am feeling much better (although yesterday I was honestly worried about having meningitis-more on that later) AND I actually ate dinner last night. Like real food....it was the first time since Sunday and it was amazing, lol. I have a few posts brewing in my head, but right now I must go to the all important work meeting.

Sick....

BOTH Thomas and I were sick today....yeah, vomiting, fever, chills. Needless to say we sent little man to the babysitters to get him out of the house and away from it all** (plus there is no way I could take care of him, I bearly had enough strength to stand up). He is fussy (has been since yesterday) but no fever, so as long as he is still eating and staying hydrated I think he is going to be OK even though I do think his tummy hurts a little bit. Thomas and I spent the day drifting in and out of sleep (more sleeping than not). He's eaten nothing all day and I managed to get down some rice for dinner just now(I got sick about 8 hours before him so I am feeling "better" before him) after over 24 hours of crackers, but I am just praying it actually stays down. Right now it's debatable....

**For the record, I would have kept him here to BF because I know it is important to BF while you are sick so baby gets anti-bodies (luckily I BF'd all day yesterday even after my fever kicked in around 7 last night so it did benefit him), but with Thomas so sick too we just couldn't do it.

Big changes

There are big changes going on my department right now. The official meeting is next week, but I already know the news....my boss is no longer my boss (thank god!), and a guy we all like and respect is taking his place.

Oh, also....I finally completed my application packet (I was waiting on one recommendation) for my MS program. The next round of interviews is sometime in the middle of Feb., so if ya could....send a few good thoughts my way. I very much want this to happen.

About halfway through

I'm about halfway through the day and I am making it so far. I called once this morning to check on him and learned that calling actually makes me *more* anxious because then I discover she is not doing things like ~I~ would....like letting my son sleep all morning instead of simply waking him up to play and eat. I told her that he sleeps when he's bored, so sometimes you actually have to interact with him to keep his interest and he doesn't cry when he's hungry so you have to watch the clock or for his hunger cues....so I called at 10 and when she told me he was still sleeping I told her to wake him up and feed him (his last meal was at 6:30 that morning)...he NEVER sleeps that long in the morning with me. One of my biggest fears was she was going to throw his sleeping off and he would sleep all day there and be up all night, which again he has NEVER done before....believe it or not, my child doesn't have his days and nights mixed up (potentially until now, and that makes one unhappy momma).

So....I've learned to just resist every urge to call back. I know she isn't harming him, and quite frankly learning exactly what she IS doing is stressing me out. Luckily though, my lab assistants-three wonderful woman who I love to work with-entertained me for about 2 hours this morning by just sitting around talking and catching up, which I greatly appreciate. Also, it does feel good to get out of the house all day since I have been inside most of the time with Cullen (it's so freaking cold lately) and that may play a little role in the fact I haven't actually cried (at least not at work), but regardless, I desperately wish it was 6 o'clock now (the time Thomas will get home from picking Cullen up).

Tomorrow is the day

I am NOT ready, and I learned today my work has been hellacious for the past 2 weeks.....long story short, lots of lying and back stabbing from the higher-ups, my boss may be gone and the department is going through a shake up.....what a great thing to go back to on top of the fact I didn't like my job when I left.

I know that every mom who has to go back to work goes through this, and maybe it would be different if I was actually in my CAREER instead of simply a job to pay the bills, but my heart physically hurts simply thinking about leaving my baby. Maybe it was the struggle to conceive him, maybe it was because every doctor said I was lucky to even get pregnant or maybe it was his miracle birth, but I am NOT ready to do this. I feel like that part in "Look Who's Talking" when she is in the delivery room and tells the anesthesiologist to give her more drugs than most women because she thinks she is in more pain than most. As silly as that line is to me every time because duh, childbirth usually hurts...it describes perfectly my "emotional pain" right now.

Also, I am tired of hearing "it gets better" or "the first week is the worst", blah blah blah....the point is...I don't WANT it to get better. What I want is to stay at home with my child (at least until he is old enough to tell me if something is wrong when left with someone else all day. This is not an anti daycare-in home or not- post, in fact I think a good environment like that provides great social skills....I just dont want to send my helpless 9 week old baby there, and there really isn't a reliable day care facility in my hometown without paying 850 or more a month, which we can't afford). Anyways...what I want is to care for and play with my son during the day, I want to join a Mommy group and take him to the park when it warms up, I want to kiss his boo boos, I want to teach him to be independent but also know I will be there whenever he needs me and quite frankly I don't care if I have to live off macaroni and cheese and peanut butter sandwiches for the next 3 years until I can finish school and enter my career....I AM going to make this happen, and soon.

Lastly I want to finish up this post by saying I never thought I would be like this. Honestly between the two of us Thomas was the one who mentioned maybe staying home, which made sense because ~I~ am the breadwinner in our family, but ever since Cullen was born all of this has changed. I can all the sudden see myself staying at home (again, at least until my career starts because I still WANT a career). I just never imagined motherhood coming this easy and natural. No one can seem to get over how well I do it. No, I am not purposely trying to toot my own horn here (although this is MY blog right), but I do take pride in the fact others around me notice my relaxed persona in caring for my son. I don't get anxious when he cries...if something is wrong, I simply try to figure out what, and honestly I think this plays a role in how little he does cry. Babies can sense stress and become fussy so I make it a point to calmly care for him even when I'm tired in the middle of the night. As cliche as it is, this is a role I was born for and for now, I want to relish in it.

Anatomy of a smile

As I mentioned before, Cullen has been socially smiling now for a few weeks, BUT we can never catch it on our camera because as soon as he sees the pre-flash "flash" it disappears. So, the other day I took the flash off (hence the darker pictures) and set the camera to take a picture about once a second and this is what I caught.....

"I'm not gonna smile Mommy and you can't make me...."
"Oh, you're good...I'm thinking about it...."
"Yup....I'm getting warmer"
"Oh, wait....maybe it's gas"
"Nope....it's the real deal.....yippee!!"

SUCCESS!!!!

Today I'm thankful for....

The fact my son slept from 10pm until 5am this morning =)

I actually woke up at 3 without him getting me up because I was so used to getting up at that time. I went to the bathroom and quickly discovered he was still sound asleep so I went back to bed. He is now taking his afternoon nap, and although I should be doing several other things, I'm enjoying sitting right here for now ;-)

The GRE's

Ah...the GRE's. The most important step into entering grad school. I have been putting off taking these things for a few reasons. Number one I was hoping to do an online program and didn't require them (and actually was in one for 4 months but ended up hating it), two, I hate to study and three, even though I am a great student, I do have testing anxiety because I am afraid I will end up not performing to my known potential.....but none the less, my new MS program requires it so I took them last Saturday. All in all, they really weren't that bad (and I didn't even study for them!), but I am a bit surprised by my results. Overall I did very well, but my quantitative score was higher than my verbal by a couple hundred which was the exact opposite of the last standardized test I took (the SAT's) and in every previous standardized test. I have ALWAYS been a more "verbal" person....in fact, I actually struggle some in math because it isn't something I enjoy even though I'm also extremely science oriented. Yes, I know...my brain is a tad bit complicated, lol.

Anyways, after the test I began to think about why this change had taken place and came to a few conclusions

1.) It has been almost 6 years since I have engaged in any type of English based course. My BS was composed entirely of fact-driven, scientific information courses like A and P, Microbiology, Chemistry, etc.
2.) I don't read a lot anymore. Sure, I read text books and scientific articles which I have to comprehend, but again those are based in factual information and understanding data, stats, and experimental results...not exactly abstract concepts, or even implied concepts...it either is, or it isn't.
3.) As an adult, I don't work on it anymore....in other words, use it or lose it. I need to start doing crosswords and/or word games again as I've found it really does help.

Anyways, as I said, my scores were fine and I sent them off to my intended school.....I was just a little taken aback by the breakdown of them because it was so different from anything I've taken before, apparently my brain changed, lol.

Randomness of me

As you can imagine since Cullen has been born the camera is always within reach in our home. However sometimes when I'm transferring pictures to the computer I come across photos that DH has taken that I've either forgotten about or simply didn't know were being taken, but none the less it depicts our new "normal" life around here lately (at least the first 6 weeks pp), and I wanted to share.

This is one of my favorite pictures with Cullen. It's my perfect moment (sorry for the slight nipple peek, lol).
I think I was on the computer here just chilling out
Oh yeah...BFing in the car

Talk about your close-upsAnd finally....the activity and sleepiness that the morning brings....
You can't see it in this last picture, but I am making funny faces at Cullen (and he was reciprocating with smiles). It was after his morning feed and he was super awake.

Preview for tomorrow....GRE results!!

Ugh....

My MIL is ridiculous. Honestly the woman has NO common sense and the only conversation she is capable of having is small, idle chit chat that isn't worth my breath to respond back to. I mean it's so freaking random about shit no one cares about....like the great deal she got on meat that day or how many beads she bought for her necklace. Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah BLAH. Can you tell I HATE it when she is here, I HATE it when she is in my house and I HATE being forced to make conversation with her....hence the reason I am "studying" for my GRE's right now and bitching to all of you guys before I pop or say something utterly snarky on her not so smart ass ;-)

For example, for the last 15 minutes she has been talking about: her cable and her wireless phone discount, which lead her into a conversation of all the other discounts she gets and where and how much, etc (she works for a government agency), her pots and pans she got on discount, her older than dirt color tv, her broken coffee pot, the oysters she bought for dinner.....do you see my agony here?

Oh AND....DH's Aunt sent us pictures of Thomas as baby and there was one person we didn't recognize holding him so we asked his mom who it was, and she said she wasn't sure. OK, thats fine...it's been 34 years and maybe it was someone's friend, girlfriend, etc, BUT then she goes on to say "Well, I guess it could be me, I'm not really sure" Um, are you freaking kidding me?!?! You are so flighty that you don't recognize YOURSELF in pictures.....Holy Jesus.

Oh and you want to know how she shows off her mothering skills today (and why I NEVER want her alone with my child); DH worked out this morning and his legs are sore so when he got up a bit slowly she asked what was wrong and he told her. Do you know what her response was?....and I quote..."Ha Ha Ha...serves you right".....Says the woman who got gastric bypass surgery 4 years ago (which btw, although not a small woman, she was NOT obese enough for medical reasons) then gained all the weight back because she doesn't have a healthy bone in her body.....

OK, I could go on and on, but it honestly raises my blood pressure so I'm stopping now, lol.

Thank you card etiquette

Just curious, but what is everyone's thank you card etiquette....you know, what do you send them for, how long is *too* long to wait, is the wait time more acceptable for things like babies (since the receiver is obviously very busy and probably sleep deprived) verses a wedding?

Is there a general rule for thank you cards (besides personal ones)? Should you send them for events that presents are usually assumed such as birthdays or Christmas? I only ask this because I received a thank you card from my nieces (of course written by my SIL) for their Christmas gifts and my one nieces birthday (it's Dec. 26th), and it made me go "hmmm, is this something a lot of people do?" because I for one have never really done the thank you card for Christmas since mainly I am physically there to say thank you and I never thought it was expected. I also will admit that I'm not sure I have ever done thank you cards for birthday gifts either, again because I can usually say it when the person gives it to me (well, at least not as an adult, I do remember my mom having me do thank you cards when we actually had a PARTY and such when I was younger). Is this bad etiquette of me? Does it depend on your age or how far away the person is or even the monetary value of the gift itself?

So, I am curious about everyone else's habits...let's put it into a poll (answers in the comment section please)

1.) What are the events you give out thank you cards for?
2.) How long is acceptable to wait to get them out?
3.) Does the event matter in the time referred to in question 2?
4.) If one waits *too* long, is it better to just forget about it or send them out very late?
5.) What are the events you feel thank you cards are not needed?
6.) Regarding question 5, if you received something of great monetary or sentimental value would you feel obligated to give a thank you card even though you normally wouldn't?
7.) And lastly....have you ever felt jilted by not receiving a thank you card when you thought you should have?

Healthy baby=Eternal Happiness?

I just came across something that bothers me and I want to share. On an internet forum that I frequently browse a woman was venting about her DH being laid off again, and she was worried and stressing over not having enough savings (because they had already drained it the first time he was laid off) and being financially strapped. Unfortunately this type of story and financial burden is all to common in today's economy (in fact just yesterday I canceled our cable to save money and I called to have our home phone-we will be using cell phones-disconnected at the end of the billing cycle). I mean, Thomas and I live paycheck to paycheck right now, so yes, one of us losing our job would be devastating so I understand this woman's concern. Anyways, although she was trying to be nice, someone responded back with this statement:

"All I can say is be strong for your LO. I know things are crappy right now, but I also know that you 2 have been pretty fortunate in having a healthy child and all"

And with that, I have issues.....Since when does having a healthy child null and void all the other issues and problems that can go wrong in life? Now please don't get me wrong.....children are a true blessing and I don't know what I would do without my son and I am THANKFUL every day for him, and I do understand the heartache of someone who struggles to bring a child into their life, and yes I understand that the love you have for your child can transcend many things that arise in life, BUT those other things do still exist AND those other things can cause stress. In fact, having a child INCREASES the intensity of financial situations because baby's cost A LOT of money.

I mean, if you look at the statement literally it could be interpreted as "well at least you don't have a 'sick' child that would require more stress and money than a 'healthy' one does". And yes this statement is true because anyone who has been the caretaker for a chronically sick baby, whether by disease or infection, etc, can tell you it IS extra stress and extra medical expenses so it can increase the financial burden one may have, BUT the simple existence of a "healthy" baby doesn't negate all financial stresses and woes nor is it a reason for people NOT to be upset over it so why is it considered a helpful response? Besides....how good is it to have a healthy child and not be able to keep them that way....because even "healthy" children require diapers and clothes and food and toys and medical care...which costs MONEY. So in my eyes, even if you have a healthy child, the child itself can cause more financial stress because you are worried about all the things you have to provide for your child....and if you can't do that, it can lead to guilt and more problems.

Again, don't misinterpret me here, this isn't an issue of "at least you have a child" or "since you have a child you need to be grateful" because I AM grateful for my child, I AM thankful. I simply have an issue of people using that statement as an excuse or a reason for other people to not be upset over negative life situations. Having a baby/child is wonderful but it doesn't mean someone is happy all the time and it certainly doesn't solve or erase all of life's problems as the responder above implied. Seems like a bit of an unnecessary guilt trip, no?

That time is approaching!

In 2 weeks and 2 days I will be sitting at my desk right now rather than being here with my little man...and quite frankly it just flat out sucks. The good thing is I *might* have secured a place to keep him during the day, but I am still looking for various part time jobs because I want to be home during the day with him....especially when the weather breaks and I can take him for walks or to the park that is literally 2 blocks away. Plus, we all know how much I HATE my job (yes, I know I am thankful to at least have a job, don't even go there will ya?)

Oh, speaking of work and things I hate....I have a MIL (ha!) story regarding this issue. About 3 weeks ago when Cullen was 1 month my MIL comes up and asks when I will be going back to work and what we will be doing with the baby. I tell her I go back the 21st of Jan and as of right now we have no idea. If worse comes to worse I will have to stay off longer than expected, at least for a week or so. THEN she goes ON and ON about how leaving him will be the worst thing I will ever do and how much I am going to cry and cry and cry....because that is how she did with Thomas (although she called him Eddie which drives us both up a freaking wall, but anyways) and I will be missing on of the most important times of my son's life. THEN she proceeds to say "Well, of course I had a year off with Eddie". Does anyone else see how utterly wrong this was? I mean, did you really just tell a hormonal partpartum mother who doesn't want to leave her child with anyone else right now that YOU got an entire fucking year off work and cried and cried and cried when you had to leave him then? How the hell do you think ~I~ feel after less than three months? And of course she then she proceeds to rub it in by stating how I will be missing one of the greatest times of my son's life?!?!?! Seriously lady.....F***k You.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Yeah, OK I'm a *little* late at getting either of these posts in, but ya know, what can ya do? ;-) Christmas this year was obviously one of our best ever because I was blessed enough to spend it with my family which included Cullen. It was just another reminder of how much of a difference a year can make since last Christmas was one of the saddest for Thomas and I. As far as tradition though, nothing changed because we went to my Mom's Christmas Eve just like always.....except this time there were a few more presents under the tree. Did I tell you that next year there will be TWO more babies besides my own? Yeah, my Dad is putting another addition on their house to accommodate our quickly growing family. After this though, the only people continuing this growth will be Thomas and I because both of my brother's are finished (although my oldest brother has always wanted to adopt but quite frankly his wife isn't exactly the "mothering" type and I highly doubt this will ever happen). Anyways, last year I posted this post with pictures of Christmas if you want to compare, but if not (and really, why would you right?) here is a peak of this year's festivities.

The big family portrait
Just chilling at G'mas....I just fell in love with this little onsie =)
Various action shotsThese next two pictures are of my Mom and Dad holding Cullen. Other than liking the pictures themselves, I imagine these are the moments I am going to be grateful that I captured on film when Cullen is grown and they are no longer around (as sad as that is to think about right now).
Opening presents makes me sleepy....
Mommy and Me....and yes people, that is spit up, lol.
The new family....

Now, onto New Years. I was in bed by 10ish, like normal, but Thomas woke me up to see the ball drop. My son spent New Years Eve like this....
As for the whole resolution thing, Thomas vowed to lose the baby weight (I told him he should take up breastfeeding....I would get more sleep-although as I've mentioned before I really am a well rested new mom considering-and he would guarantee shed some pounds, lol) and I simply made a promise to Cullen that I would be the best Mommy I can be. My personal goal is to make a budget and stick to it since we will either have the extra expense of day care or a reduction in salary on my part (more on that to come later). Either way....all of them seem perfectly reasonable and I am anxious to see what 2009 holds for myself and my new family =)