Thursday, April 30, 2009

A bit jealous

OK, I may have to put a disclaimer here before starting my real post because I want to clear up a few things before everyone has a chance to ask or get all pissy about.

1.) I LOVE my co-worker that I am getting ready to talk about. She reminds me a lot of my Mom and if I could have chosen anyone to be my MIL, she would be it.

2.) I HATE, HATE, HATE she has had to go through this.

3.) I have been with her through the whole ordeal, willingly taken part in everything that has been given (including a large, homemade gift basket just from me), and I think she deserves every bit of it.

4.) And lastly, no I do not think finding out you have cancer and having surgery for it is the same as a planned C-section.

That being said, I'm a little miffed. Miffed at the fact I didn't get ANYTHING from my co-workers when I had my surgery and delivered Cullen. Well, I take that back, I did receive the standard bouquet of flowers my employment gives out for occasions such as that but that wasn't through my department, it was through a committee. Now see, back in November when I left, I didn't ~expect~ anything because well, that was more common than not. I got a phone call three times the entire time I was out (and even those had work related motives) and a few emails from the aforementioned co-worker to truly just check on me and Cullen around the 1 month mark(which I thought was really sweet). All in all, fine, that was cool because I didn't know otherwise.

Then, my co-worker left this Monday to have her surgery on Tuesday. She opted for a double mastectomy even though there was only a small mass in one breast. Her choice to be better safe than sorry, and since her lymph nodes were clear (Thank God!) she gets to skip the chemo or radiation portion unless something comes back. She is by all accounts, healthy....and the reason she was so shocked about all of this is because she always was and IS healthy and vibrant! But anyways, back to my point..... Yes, I realize this is a LIFE CHANGING SURGERY, but based on surgery status alone, I had surgery too AND stayed in the hospital longer! So, because of this my department (and other surrounding departments) have showered her with calls and cards and several bouquets of flowers (again, don't forget to read the top part of this where I say she totally deserves it and I am in no way saying she was lucky to get cancer). In addition to that, another co-worker suggested we make food to bring her b/c recovering from surgery is hard and no one feels like cooking afterwards (um, yes, seems I remember doing this not to long ago with a new little person who could care less if Mommy was tired or sore or hungry or thirsty). My boss even offered to go CLEAN HER HOUSE so she could rest up from surgery and not have to worry about it. Then when word got around we would be taking food over there, other departments pitched in and are sending drinks and snacks as well.

And now my confession which makes me feel like a total douche, but in the midst of coordinating all this the tiny thought creeped into my head of "why didn't my department offer to do this, or even a quarter of this, for me with MY surgery?". Yes, I was well taken care of by my family after having Cullen....I certainly got a lot of food (not to mention it was holiday season) and my Mom did and would have done anything I asked...but that isn't the point. The point is I did have surgery and spent 4 days in the hospital, I was out for 9 weeks, and if it is the thought that really counts....I'm feeling a bit jealous and confused of how little I was thought about in that aspect. Of course I'm gonna get over it (I mean, really, it doesn't ~actually~ matter at this point), but it is just interesting to see the differences as they are unfolding, and no I will never, ever, ever tell her I thought about this and NOTHING is directed toward her, and yes, it does make me feel better to get it out ;-)


Christina said...

I've had this exact feeling too. Every time someone has surgery they pass around a card at work, people call them and they send flowers. I've had 3 surgeries (2 knee and 1 lap) since I've worked there and haven't even received a phone call from anyone!!

the mol said...

I have to say that as the mother of a child who has cancer and has had two surgeries, and is currently on a two-year chemo regimen that requires him to be inpatient for 3-5 days every 3 weeks...and before I found out about the change in his treatment I found out I was pregnant with #2...I agree with you!

If people at work are going to get together and offer to help out with things like meals, housework, and just plain company, they should definitely offer to do so for new moms, surgery or not.

nancy said...

I think it's because childbirth, even a c-section, is seemed as an everyday happening. People do it everyday and just don't think of it the same way.

Comparitively speaking, think of your situation this way ... I had a vaginal birth but an emergency surgery minutes later. I almost died. I got pneumonia a week later. I got my gall bladder out. And I didn't get SHIT from anyone at work. Nothing. Not a phone call. Not a "good luck" when I left. And they all heard my story too, it's not like they didn't know. And when I got back I didn't even get a "welcome back". They just picked work back up where they left off. So instead of thinking what you didn't get, think of what you did get? (not trying to be pissy at all here, just pointing out that sometimes it takes perspective.)