I have a few important and interesting (well, at least ~I~ think they are interesting, haha) posts to write, but right now I don't have the time as I am waiting for Thomas to get home from work so we can run errands for the day; however I wanted to ask a question to everyone....
For those with children, are you the sole nighttime caretaker or is it a shared job between you and your spouse? If not, what is your system? Also, did this plan change between the time you were just talking about what would be done (when you were pregnant or otherwise) and the reality of actually doing it?
11 comments:
Good question! I'm wondering the same thing. I mean how do you share responsibility if baby is still on the boob?
I would say I was the nighttime caretaker 99.99% of the time even after he was off the boob. Nate was on ambien and never heard Lex cry, it was only when I'd go shake the crap out of him and demand that he got up that he did it. This was a major change from our plan, which was he would take midnight to 3 am and I would take anything after that (I was working days and he worked evenings so we thought it'd be fair). Now on the rare occasions he wakes up it's still all me.
Harry sleeps through the night now, but when he didn't, we had a semi-shared schedule. P got up first and did a diaper check (and change -- he pretty much always needed one). Then I got up and nursed him. It was only five extra minutes of sleep for me, but it helped, even if just psychologically.
As for plans, we had planned on having P do some overnight feedings of pumped milk, but it took a while for me to get the hang of pumping and by that point P was back to work and I felt bad keeping him up.
Good luck finding a system that works for you and Thomas.
I was/am the nighttime person 100% of the time. I did breastfeed, so he couldn't do that. Plus I'm a really light sleeper so I would be awake anyways. He works really long hours and I stay at home, so it worked best for us.
We've been splitting it up by who is tiredest. At first, I was more tired and I was sleeping in the guest room. Matt would get up with her, change her, bring her to me, and then come back and get her and put her back to sleep. I didn't even have to get out of bed. Then when I started to get less tired than him, we've switched a little. Now that all of us are sleeping in the same room, it's a little more muddy. But last night, I got up each time and the night before, he got up most of the time. We just kind of talk it out every night before bed.
Eventually the plan is for him to take the first half of the night and me to take the second half, since I sleep better the first half and he sleeps better the second half. (Normally, he doesn't even fall asleep until two or three, so it is no big deal for him to get her then.)
I did it myself because Jeramy was working. However once he was at home full-time we began taking turns. Of course then she started sleeping through the night...go figure!
While I was home on maternity leave I was responsible--to me it only made sense, since I could sleep during the day and he couldn't. When I went back to work we did an early-late shift split--he was on until midnight since he stayed up late anyway--and I got up with her anytime after that. Our dr. highly recommended pumping a bottle a day so that this arrangment would work-and it was definitely one of the best things we could do! There was no way I could have functioned at school in a classroom full of kids without a decent amount of sleep! We were lucky that she slept in 5 hour shifts early on--so both of us got fairly good chunks of sleep. This pretty much matched up to what we had planned pre-baby.
When my girls were newborns, DH got up with them on weekends (when he had the day off the next day). I did it the rest of the time. i didn't breastfeed so that simplified things, and my kids slept through the night pretty early on (5 weeks for one and 7 weeks for the other). My cousin, however, did BF and she had the same system, her DH got up on weekends and he gave the baby a bottle of either pumped milk or formula. IMO, it's very difficult for mom to have to do every single nightly feeding. I could never sleep during the day, no matter how tired I was, so that didn't work for me.
--Kristin
We take turns. Every other feeding generally...but sometimes we do two in a row each so the other person can have a long period of sleep.
When the girls first came home we would both get up at the same time and each take one baby...but that didn't work out because then neither of us was getting any sleep and we were getting way too groucy! lol
PS Breast feeding didn't work out for us, so it's no biggie for Hubby to give either expressed milk or, now, formula.
Well I'll answer tho you know my situation - I've been the sole night time caretaker for 13 1/3 years. Even after moving in with Reed - unless I'm going to be home late - I still do it all, guess I'm just used to it and like how I do it. I have strong beliefs on bed time - maybe it wont mean much to you because our kids are at such different ages (heh) but at 9:00 (oops - which is now) we both go get ready for bed - wash our face, brush our teeth, feed the cat (Dylan does) do a walk around - then we go in either room - mine or his, lay on the bed and say a prayer - then talk until 9:30 - I believe in doing that to keep the lines of communication open with him which I believe is working well. It keeps us very close - we talk about friends at school - what we want for christmas - baby names (tho he doesnt know about this one yet) what's bothering him, what he's excited about - or just make up stories, what ever we want.
Then it's lights out - well.... other than he can stay up as late as he wants as long as he's reading in bed. Which has been funny because one night he came in my room - woke me up and said "Mom-I'm done with my book" I look at the time and it was 2 in the morning. LOL - Well? I made the rule! I just thought he'd fall asleep like I do when I start reeding.
Oh -but Reed does occasionally join us in our prayer - but he's just not that into the whole "bed time ritual"
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