Happy Anniversary to Me! (warning: trigs ahead)

Today...May 7th, is my 3rd wedding anniversary. Gosh, so much has happened in 3 years....in three years, DH and I have moved three times, he helped me through the stroke and death of my grandmother, both changed jobs, purchased our first home, bought 2 dogs, TTC'd for 32 months (29 cycles plus a 3 month mandatory break) including IF treatments, got through a miscarriage (hence the "mandatory break") and are now navigating pregnancy. Whew, haha! So, before I get into the heavy part of this post, I want to share some pictures of that wonderful day that started it all (btw, there is quite a few. My photographer took almost 800 pictures so you are lucky I narrowed it down this far, haha)....

Our Cake (vineyard was the theme)

DH before the wedding

Moi!

DH's look when he first saw me coming down the aisle. I LOVE the fact our photographer caught this because it is something I would have never seen otherwise.

Standing at the alter. I wanted to add this picture in so you could see how our wedding was set up outside.


The flower girls (i.e-My nieces)

My parents and I.

Our wedding party.

The next three pictures are of Thomas and I, and the photographer used several special effects for the final result. The "Sepia Kiss" actually won an East Coast photography contest!


First Dance.

Dance with Dad. I love my expression in this picture.

The car....Get R Done was compliments of my brother and a bottle of cheez whiz, lol.

Walking out to leave and seeing the car for the first time.

Off we go!!!!

Lastly (although this picture-on our honeymoon- is a bit blurry) I put it in so you could see how long my hair had to be for the style I wore in my wedding. For the record, it took almost 3 hours to pin-up!

Now, other than the fact I'm excited about today, there is also this weird, surreal feeling because as a lot of IFers can attest too things like holidays, birthdays and anniversaries always remind you of "what if's" or "what should have beens". It also has you thinking if "next year at this time, will I have a baby?", and each year that goes by when that doesn't happen is utterly heartbreaking. It actually gets to the point where you expect the next year to be exactly like the one now....childless, because a lot of the hope is gone. When DH and I got pregnant with the twins that was the first thing that crossed our mind....NEXT Thanksgiving will be different, NEXT Christmas will be spent with a baby....but when we m/c'd all of those dreams were taken away. So when the holidays rolled around after our m/c, we mourned the should have beens. Little did we know that we would become pregnant again just in time to still have those same changed holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. I'm a bit overwhelmed by this thought actually. I'm elated it's actually happening and I'm sad (and feeling a bit guilty) for those it won't happen too. If all goes as planned....this is the last anniversary DH will be just a family of two, this is the last Mother's day I won't have a child in the room as well, the last Father's Day for DH (and although yes, we are parents to be, you know what I mean here....the physical presence of a baby). It's amazing....it's humbling, and quite frankly, and as I said a bit emotionally overwhelming and surreal as well.