Thursday, May 15, 2008

It makes me physically ill (TRIGS!!!!!!)

I have talked about this triggery issue with several bloggers including my friend Nancy, who had a post a few weeks ago about someone we both knew of who is undergoing selective reduction. Long story short.....she triggered with WAY too many eggs (8+) against her RE's wishes, BD'd instead of doing the IUI (like that really makes a difference in this case), ended up with severe OHSS, got pregnant, and later told everyone she was pregnant with twins. Fine, right? She took a HUGE risk, and only ended up with twins so she was lucky. Well, later she revealed that she actually had 8 babies and the only reason she said she was having twins is because that is what she was reducing to. Then she goes in for her next ultrasound and the doc discovers another one.....so now she has 9 and is preparing to still reduce to 2. My initial response to this situation was met with mixed emotions.....one I was shocked she had so many (and obviously for physical reasons would need to reduce.....the scientist in me knows this), angry she put herself in this position by going against all doctor's wishes, sad because she IS in this position knowing the problems she must face, but understanding the desire she had that drove her to try and conceive after many years of failed attempts. In fact, my exact response to this discussion was as follows:

"Although I 120% believe she shouldn't have done what she did against doctor's wishes....we talked about that right when she did it AND it was a huge DUH when she got OHSS. I can't even imagine being faced with that decision...or hearing that news in the first place. No one expects to have 5 eggs and end up with 8 babies, especially someone who has tried for 2.5 years and nothing has worked in the past. I mean the statistics of that are just unreal. If this situation was different and she had triplets and just didn't want three so decided to go to twins I would be completely and utterly outraged if there was no medical reason she HAD to reduce.

No, I wouldn't have chosen to do what she did, but I *can* understand the desperate desire and mentality behind why this ultimately terrible decision was made. Trust me, my jaw hit the floor when I read that....so I'm not disagreeing that she was in the wrong to begin with (which at least she does acknowledge) or that the whole situation is f'ed up, but part of me does feel sorry for the position she put herself in, and the thought of actually going through THAT process is just too much to even think about."

Now, up until today I haven't really said anything about this situation, and I certainly haven't supported her, but reading her story today about the actual reduction makes me angry and physically sick....I had to talk about it here or I was going to go off. She had her reduction (for those who don't know how this is done, Potassium is injected into the fetus' heart to have it stop beating). An attempt on all 7 unwanted babies were made....only 5 took successfully. With the other two it made their heart slow down, but it picked right back up to normal.....these babies (on top of the twins she was already keeping)are still completely normal. So right now her total of living, healthy babies is 4. Yes quads is a HUGE deal, but it can be done and it has been done before! However, this is not what she wants....she wants twins.....so she goes back next week to try and kill the two that survived what I imagine to be a painful procedure. WTF!!!!! Like I said, I know that quads is a BIG deal....medically, emotionally and financially....but it is obvious these children didn't want to die. They lived for a reason, and unless carrying 4 would be lethal for the mother, to me it does not justify trying to kill these babies again!!!!! I'm afraid I can't even be around this situation anymore, which is sad because I do like talking to the other women included in this "group".

7 comments:

Jen said...

Wow. I haven't seen the latest, but I'm shocked that she is going to still go ahead and reduce the quads further to twins. I find this whole thing so disturbing and so unnecessary if she had only listened to her doctor in the first place.

Jen said...

Wow. All this is new news to me, I haven't heard anything about any of this. And all I can say is wow.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

The whole story makes me very sad. I hate stories where you want to feel bad for someone but the situation they find themselves in is one of their own making.

nancy said...

I would have given my life to carry 4. And me, the one who did everything right - ends up with 4 dead babies.

Fuck her.

Anonymous said...

Just a lurker here popping in to say this is totally HORRIBLE, how dare this woman even have the right to be a mother. She is not reducing, she is ABORTING those babies, and the procedure she is having done, its been said that the fetus's feel it and it basically makes them burn to death (a chemical burn), f*ck her, I wish I could adopt the two she is about to brutally murder!

Dr. Grumbles said...

I am still processing the phrase "7 unwanted babies." I am certain JAG in wincing in my belly.

I am sorry, after the first attempt failed, I could not go back to try again. Those are two strong babies. It is so hard to keep a heart beating in my world, I cannot imagine such persistence to stop two.

Granted, I am biased.

And I believe all women should have complete control over their own reproductive system. That doesn't mean I have to always approve, however.

Monkey's Mama said...

Hi there--found you over on Sara's blog. This post just made me cry. How awful. I never knew that's how they performed selective reduction.

I went through 3 natural pregnancies that ended in miscarriage and all the fertility treatments right up to IVF which finally resulted in a live, healthy baby.

In my desperation I actually begged the RE to transfer all 9 embryos, so I do understand the irrational infertile brain. Thank God he didn't do it. He gently explained that it was just too risky, and although it did increase the odds of pregnancy, it also increased the risks.

I never had to think about SR as only one of the 4 embryos transferred "took". I don't think I could have gone through with SR at that point. Today, as a mother now, I know I would never consider it, having seen this amazing little person--my daughter--who was created through the science of IVF. These embryos are real, actual people and I think we can lose sight of that through our heartbreak as infertile women. We get caught up in the odds and statistics.

I'm so sorry you're having to think about this while 12 weeks pregnant. It's very upsetting! Please let us know what happens to her.

Congratulations, too, and I'll be following your journey to motherhood!