This blog was started because of my miscarriage, and today, June 2nd, is my un-due date. The date my twins were expected to arrive (OK technically, they would have probably been early, but today marked my 40 weeks). I must admit I’m conflicted because today is honestly bittersweet. Today would have closed an interesting chapter in my life. The chapter where I was “supposed” to be pregnant…..the chapter I was supposed to be preparing to become a Mom. It was a chapter that never exactly got to be revealed the way I thought. But see, as most of you know I’m getting the chance to do that again….so maybe this chapter gets to continue in it’s own way, but what I CAN do is start to say good-bye to the reason it started.
First, I do feel the need to say I am so grateful to be able to still have another due date to look forward too, but I think I will always wonder what it would have been like to be a twin mom, to actually have my twins. I will always wonder what they would have looked liked, if they were boys or girls (or one of each), and today I wonder exactly how my life would be different this very second. I love my twins for what they gave me-my first chance to be a Mom in all it’s joy and sorrow, and although I will never understand why they had to leave I do understand that if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be pregnant with THIS baby. This EXACT baby wouldn’t exist, and that is a thought that is almost incomprehensible at times.
To my angel babies: Mommy and Daddy loved you then, and still love you now. We will never forget the day we were told you wouldn't be coming home to us, we miss you often, and you will always be in our hearts. You were our first, and always will be…..you helped give us your sibling, and for that we are forever grateful.