There are many words I can use to describe my husband....cute, funny, strong, caring...and now I can add "domestically challenged" to the list. Good lord, I swear the man was not this bad before I married him; before May 7th, 2005 he could do his own laundry and even cook (a little)! So, over two years later, it leads us to tonight....when I learned my husband cannot operate a stove, haha.
Let me set the scene....I had just finished working out to core rhythms (which I LOVE by the way) and was going to take a shower. I asked DH to start browning the turkey burger and pre-heat the oven for the sweet potato fries.Oh, and before I continue I must tell you he asked me what temp. to set the oven on....good lord darling, I don't know, read the back of the bag!! Anyways, a few minutes later I get out of the shower, change, and walk into the kitchen. I notice the pre-heat light has gone off so I go to put the fries in the oven.....it was completely cold. So, I look at the settings and apparently my husband had set the temperature on 425 (yay for him!) but didn't actually turn the knob to bake; it was still in the off position...Ha! God Bless that man!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Everyone needs an umbrella.....
OK, so this song is meant for relationships, but when I heard it, it made me think of friendships during infertility (and, my hunt for the lyrics was inspired by Jenn's comment on my post below-Thanks hun!)
Red Umbrella-Faith Hill
1st Verse
Sometimes life can get a little dark
I'm sure I've got bruises on my heart
Here come the black clouds full of pain
Yeah, you can break away without the chains
Pre Chorus
Your love is like a red umbrella
Walk the streets like Cinderella
Everyone can see it on my face
Chorus
(So) let it rain
It's pourin' all around
Let it fall
(No) it ain't gonna drown me
After all
I'm gonna be okay
(So) let it rain
(Oh, let it rain)
(Let it fall)
(I'm gonna be okay)
(So let it rain)
2nd Verse
You can wear your sorrow like an old raincoat
You can save your tears in a bottle made of gold
But the glitter on the sidewalk always shines
Yeah, even God needs to cry sometimes
Pre Chorus
Your love is like a red umbrella
Always there to make me better
When my broken dreams
Are fallin' from the sky
Bridge
Let it wash my tears away
Tomorrow's another day
Yeah
Red Umbrella-Faith Hill
1st Verse
Sometimes life can get a little dark
I'm sure I've got bruises on my heart
Here come the black clouds full of pain
Yeah, you can break away without the chains
Pre Chorus
Your love is like a red umbrella
Walk the streets like Cinderella
Everyone can see it on my face
Chorus
(So) let it rain
It's pourin' all around
Let it fall
(No) it ain't gonna drown me
After all
I'm gonna be okay
(So) let it rain
(Oh, let it rain)
(Let it fall)
(I'm gonna be okay)
(So let it rain)
2nd Verse
You can wear your sorrow like an old raincoat
You can save your tears in a bottle made of gold
But the glitter on the sidewalk always shines
Yeah, even God needs to cry sometimes
Pre Chorus
Your love is like a red umbrella
Always there to make me better
When my broken dreams
Are fallin' from the sky
Bridge
Let it wash my tears away
Tomorrow's another day
Yeah
Monday, November 26, 2007
Hmm, been awhile, yes?
Wow...I sort of crapped out on the blog thing lately huh? Apparently life got busy, or in the midst of the normal chaos there wasn't anything important to say, one or the other ;-)
I do actually have an update in the TTC world (surprising, I know, haha). I have my first consult appt. with the new RE, woo-hoo!!! It is Dec. 7th and an entire hour is set aside for me and my fertility stuff. We will do the typical meet and greet, talk about my journey so far and see what my future options are. I am actually really excited to have a fresh set of eyes take a look at my infertility issues and see if he has any new ideas on what is "wrong". Hopefully, if all goes well we will do our first medicated cycle with this new doc in Jan. Now depending on how my off cycle goes this time, it will either be my first real bleed from the m/c or there will be a natural cycle in between. DH and I really wanted to get through the holidays without worrying about medications to pay for and ultrasounds. Plus, if I start my IUI cycle before Jan. 1st and get pregnant then my STD, which becomes effective at the start of the new year, may not cover my maternity leave.
Also, on my list of things to do is write my ob/gyn's office a thank you letter for how well I was treated during that whole m/c stuff. It's nice to actually feel like a person and not just a patient number for the day, especially with things so emotional as that. Maybe I will send a treat too, it is the holidays after all =)
And finally, there are some ladies that I would really like to send my hugs and thoughts out too-Nancy, Ashely, Jenn, Tammy, Kelly, Jen, Jewels, and Mon. It seems like in the IF world, there is ALWAYS bad news, and lately the shit just keeps getting shoveled onto those who really don't deserve it. I wish nothing but the best for everyone dealing with IF, but for the group of people I have truly grown to know as friends, watching their disappointment is almost worse than going through it myself.
I do actually have an update in the TTC world (surprising, I know, haha). I have my first consult appt. with the new RE, woo-hoo!!! It is Dec. 7th and an entire hour is set aside for me and my fertility stuff. We will do the typical meet and greet, talk about my journey so far and see what my future options are. I am actually really excited to have a fresh set of eyes take a look at my infertility issues and see if he has any new ideas on what is "wrong". Hopefully, if all goes well we will do our first medicated cycle with this new doc in Jan. Now depending on how my off cycle goes this time, it will either be my first real bleed from the m/c or there will be a natural cycle in between. DH and I really wanted to get through the holidays without worrying about medications to pay for and ultrasounds. Plus, if I start my IUI cycle before Jan. 1st and get pregnant then my STD, which becomes effective at the start of the new year, may not cover my maternity leave.
Also, on my list of things to do is write my ob/gyn's office a thank you letter for how well I was treated during that whole m/c stuff. It's nice to actually feel like a person and not just a patient number for the day, especially with things so emotional as that. Maybe I will send a treat too, it is the holidays after all =)
And finally, there are some ladies that I would really like to send my hugs and thoughts out too-Nancy, Ashely, Jenn, Tammy, Kelly, Jen, Jewels, and Mon. It seems like in the IF world, there is ALWAYS bad news, and lately the shit just keeps getting shoveled onto those who really don't deserve it. I wish nothing but the best for everyone dealing with IF, but for the group of people I have truly grown to know as friends, watching their disappointment is almost worse than going through it myself.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I need to be a better blogger....
Or better yet, a better commenter. I lurk on blogs all the time...in fact I lurk A LOT, but there are only a very few I actually speak up on. I need to work on this and get my name out there, haha. It's almost like joining a new message board because you have to speak up to be spoken to.
Let's see how this goes ;-)
Let's see how this goes ;-)
Throwing this out there....
I wanted to repost a little tidbit I posted on a message board. To put this next blurb into perspective for those reading it, this was directed toward a group of good ladies just starting out in the TTC world who noticed that some of us "oldies" were being more brazen in our bitter bitchiness sometimes. My hopes for writing it was to give them a perspective on the journey and how perspectives will change.
"Someone made the comment about remembering what it was like early in your journey when it came to BFNs and hope and disappointment....so I did, I sat down and really thought about it. I remember my early months, I remember being crushed because I just knew I was pregnant on C3 and when I wasn't I thought it was the end of the world. When I hit C9 and realized I *might* be looking at IF I made the arguement that my pain was just as worse as those who had been trying for years because no matter what the situation a BFN still hurt....and I know now I was only half right. I will admit the disappointment is still the same....getting your hopes squashed with the arrival of AF sucks no matter what....but because I am now one of those who have been working at this for so long (although not as long as some, so I do still realize my "place" in this) I understand now the pain and stress is completely different....I only thought I knew BFN pain until I got here, and I thought this would sum it up.....
In my first year of trying, BFN's sucked because I had such high hopes....they sucked because I was naive and thought everything was a pregnancy symptom....they sucked because I just knew it was supposed to happen.
Now with my (and people like myself) BFN's there is a whole added dimension. Now with a BFN I don't just cry, I grieve.....I grieve because I know enough to know it probably wasn't going to happen but I hope anyways because I want to be a mother so bad I taste it.....I grieve for the next holiday that will pass without my baby.....I grieve for my husband who now cries with me
In my first year of trying I debated about spending the money on OPK's and when to take them, and how long to wait to pee in the afternoon. I had questions about my chart and when I O'd, did we have sex enough and if 15 minutes in the morning will really make a difference. The only money I had to worry about was that 12 bucks on a box of OPK's and the occasional pregnancy test.....
Now is different. Each failed cycle usually means throwing 1000's down the drain....I don't have to worry about OPK's anymore because I get to inject myself and have multiple u/s to check my follie growth. Sex isn't an issue....as long as he can do it in a cup. Each new cycle brings the stress of wondering if you can pay for all the treatments you need.....and it means giving up months at a time when the budget is too tight.....
In my first year of trying I never had to cancel or postpone vacations because of my cycle or base my own schedule around driving 2 hours to see an RE
In my first year of trying I just knew it would happen....now I know am lucky as hell if it does...and better yet, if it sticks....because now I know that regardless of what I went through to get pregnant...that's the easy part.
My point of all of this is....you don't realize what perspective you will gain on this journey as a whole until you do it....when I first started I just knew my pain and disappointment was the same as those who had done it much longer....I was wrong, because the pain and stress and disappointment is different. When I first started trying I just knew that if it didn't happen in a year I would stop....I was wrong, because over the years my desire grew. When I first started I just knew as soon as I got pregnant it meant I would be a mom.....I was wrong and have two angel babies to prove it. When I first started I thought "that won't happen to me"...I was wrong, because it DID happen to me and my respect for those who have gone through this before me, those who have done it longer and those who have spent more money has only grown. Honestly, when I first started out, I was selfish because I could only compare how bad MY journey was...how much MY BFN's hurt....without looking at how good I might really have it. I thought "how dare you say my hurt isn't as bad as yours, how do you know how I feel....this journey is bad for everyone"....but in the end, I was only half right, because I had only gone through half my journey."
"Someone made the comment about remembering what it was like early in your journey when it came to BFNs and hope and disappointment....so I did, I sat down and really thought about it. I remember my early months, I remember being crushed because I just knew I was pregnant on C3 and when I wasn't I thought it was the end of the world. When I hit C9 and realized I *might* be looking at IF I made the arguement that my pain was just as worse as those who had been trying for years because no matter what the situation a BFN still hurt....and I know now I was only half right. I will admit the disappointment is still the same....getting your hopes squashed with the arrival of AF sucks no matter what....but because I am now one of those who have been working at this for so long (although not as long as some, so I do still realize my "place" in this) I understand now the pain and stress is completely different....I only thought I knew BFN pain until I got here, and I thought this would sum it up.....
In my first year of trying, BFN's sucked because I had such high hopes....they sucked because I was naive and thought everything was a pregnancy symptom....they sucked because I just knew it was supposed to happen.
Now with my (and people like myself) BFN's there is a whole added dimension. Now with a BFN I don't just cry, I grieve.....I grieve because I know enough to know it probably wasn't going to happen but I hope anyways because I want to be a mother so bad I taste it.....I grieve for the next holiday that will pass without my baby.....I grieve for my husband who now cries with me
In my first year of trying I debated about spending the money on OPK's and when to take them, and how long to wait to pee in the afternoon. I had questions about my chart and when I O'd, did we have sex enough and if 15 minutes in the morning will really make a difference. The only money I had to worry about was that 12 bucks on a box of OPK's and the occasional pregnancy test.....
Now is different. Each failed cycle usually means throwing 1000's down the drain....I don't have to worry about OPK's anymore because I get to inject myself and have multiple u/s to check my follie growth. Sex isn't an issue....as long as he can do it in a cup. Each new cycle brings the stress of wondering if you can pay for all the treatments you need.....and it means giving up months at a time when the budget is too tight.....
In my first year of trying I never had to cancel or postpone vacations because of my cycle or base my own schedule around driving 2 hours to see an RE
In my first year of trying I just knew it would happen....now I know am lucky as hell if it does...and better yet, if it sticks....because now I know that regardless of what I went through to get pregnant...that's the easy part.
My point of all of this is....you don't realize what perspective you will gain on this journey as a whole until you do it....when I first started I just knew my pain and disappointment was the same as those who had done it much longer....I was wrong, because the pain and stress and disappointment is different. When I first started trying I just knew that if it didn't happen in a year I would stop....I was wrong, because over the years my desire grew. When I first started I just knew as soon as I got pregnant it meant I would be a mom.....I was wrong and have two angel babies to prove it. When I first started I thought "that won't happen to me"...I was wrong, because it DID happen to me and my respect for those who have gone through this before me, those who have done it longer and those who have spent more money has only grown. Honestly, when I first started out, I was selfish because I could only compare how bad MY journey was...how much MY BFN's hurt....without looking at how good I might really have it. I thought "how dare you say my hurt isn't as bad as yours, how do you know how I feel....this journey is bad for everyone"....but in the end, I was only half right, because I had only gone through half my journey."
Updates, Updates.....some TMI
OK, so my doctor's appt. went well on Monday. She did a pelvic to make sure my uterus wasn't tender (indicating infection) and then did an u/s to see what had been going on these past few weeks. From the u/s she could tell that my tissue was starting to detach, so we decided to go the cytotek route to move this process along. So, I insert four little white pills into my nether regions Monday night before bed and sure enough about an hour later I start to cramp. Then I start to cramp bad. It was rough...I had continuous cramping for about 6 hours, I took several tylenol, got up and walked around, used the fetal position, got out my exercise ball, had to use relaxation techniques, the whole deal....I even got nauseated several times. Finally after a night of no sleep Tuesday morning arrived and so did AF, in all it's heavy glory. Yesterday sucked royally with the cramping and crazy bleeding, but at least the damn stuff worked and I am officially miscarrying. I even passed a funny looking clot that I actually assume was "the" clot. It was almost in two parts, one was about the size of a ping pong ball and it was connected to something else about the size of a medium grape. After that passed my cramping picked up a bit for about an hour, but since then my bleeding slowed down and right now it's pretty much like a normal-ish AF as far as flow and cramping.
Also, I have the greatest doc ever! Although I wish she would have decided to do things earlier, I still love her and her whole office. I made another f/u appt with her for next Monday to make sure everything has passed, but she also wanted me to call her Wednesday morning (today) to let her know yes or no on the bleeding and if we needed to schedule the surgery. So yesterday I get this call from her nurse basically saying "Dr. W just wanted me to call and see how things were going today, and to see if you are doing well and how the medication worked" So then I proceed to tell her everything started, etc etc. Anyways...I just thought it was super wonderful for her office to call like that because it makes me feel as if she really cares about me, the patient, as a person. Unlike my old Dr. Jackass, who by the way I ran in to at the grocery store Monday while getting my prescription, and he smiles and goes "hey, how is everything going?" Are you freaking kidding me? No, "Im sorry for what happened"...I just smiled and said fine...seriously, what a jerk. I really wish my OB would do my IF stuff, but she highly recommends the guy she is sending me to so I feel I will be pleased.
OK, back to the subject.....I can't wait to start TTC again! I am going to break out the BBT again in a few days to see when I O this "cycle" and when I can expect my next "real" AF. We aren't trying until then, but we aren't exactly preventing either. Then we decided to have one natural trying cycle (OPK's and all) before seeing our new RE on my first cycle of the new year. Right now I'm just praying it doesn't take months for me to get AF again. I can do 5-6 weeks...but months? Come on, I need a break somewhere right?
Oh, on another update front: I have a job interview next Tuesday! This is actually a job my manager recommended me for and although he doesn't want to lose me he realizes what a great opportunity it would be within our company (Not to mention better pay). I'm pretty excited to see what happens!
OK, there is my past few days in a nutshell =D
Also, I have the greatest doc ever! Although I wish she would have decided to do things earlier, I still love her and her whole office. I made another f/u appt with her for next Monday to make sure everything has passed, but she also wanted me to call her Wednesday morning (today) to let her know yes or no on the bleeding and if we needed to schedule the surgery. So yesterday I get this call from her nurse basically saying "Dr. W just wanted me to call and see how things were going today, and to see if you are doing well and how the medication worked" So then I proceed to tell her everything started, etc etc. Anyways...I just thought it was super wonderful for her office to call like that because it makes me feel as if she really cares about me, the patient, as a person. Unlike my old Dr. Jackass, who by the way I ran in to at the grocery store Monday while getting my prescription, and he smiles and goes "hey, how is everything going?" Are you freaking kidding me? No, "Im sorry for what happened"...I just smiled and said fine...seriously, what a jerk. I really wish my OB would do my IF stuff, but she highly recommends the guy she is sending me to so I feel I will be pleased.
OK, back to the subject.....I can't wait to start TTC again! I am going to break out the BBT again in a few days to see when I O this "cycle" and when I can expect my next "real" AF. We aren't trying until then, but we aren't exactly preventing either. Then we decided to have one natural trying cycle (OPK's and all) before seeing our new RE on my first cycle of the new year. Right now I'm just praying it doesn't take months for me to get AF again. I can do 5-6 weeks...but months? Come on, I need a break somewhere right?
Oh, on another update front: I have a job interview next Tuesday! This is actually a job my manager recommended me for and although he doesn't want to lose me he realizes what a great opportunity it would be within our company (Not to mention better pay). I'm pretty excited to see what happens!
OK, there is my past few days in a nutshell =D
Sunday, November 11, 2007
My appt. is tomorrow
So, my follow up appt. is FINALLY here and tomorrow morning I am hoping to have this over with once and for all (or at least have a plan like a surgery date) if we end up needing that route. I have had some pretty decent cramping this weekend, but alas nothing to show for it. I have a feeling the doc is going to want to do the cytotek because it's the less invasive measure, however I've been thinking about this a bit and I'm not so sure. There is a chance the meds won't work. It will probably make me cramp, but it won't guarantee to start my m/c. I honestly think my doc didn't expect me to make it this long, but anyways. My other option is surgery, and I am thinking this may be a good thing and here's why.
Number one: It gets everything out in one fail swoop, and its more of a guarantee that everything is removed.
Number two: My lovely left ovary. Like I have mentioned before my left ovary causes me pain during every u/s and it was discovered it is hidden (and probably attached) to the back of my uterus. More recently I have noticed when I work out for more than 15 minutes my left side starts to ache and I'm pretty sure my ovary is to blame. So, given all of this ~I~ think it would be a good idea to schedule the D&C, and then while I'm already knocked out do another lap and check to see if it is endo causing the weirdness on my left side. If it is...remove it. Boom, two surgeries with one bill.
and oh yeah...Number three: Plain and simple I'm tired of fucking waiting =/ I want to TTC again and I want to TTC now!!!
Number one: It gets everything out in one fail swoop, and its more of a guarantee that everything is removed.
Number two: My lovely left ovary. Like I have mentioned before my left ovary causes me pain during every u/s and it was discovered it is hidden (and probably attached) to the back of my uterus. More recently I have noticed when I work out for more than 15 minutes my left side starts to ache and I'm pretty sure my ovary is to blame. So, given all of this ~I~ think it would be a good idea to schedule the D&C, and then while I'm already knocked out do another lap and check to see if it is endo causing the weirdness on my left side. If it is...remove it. Boom, two surgeries with one bill.
and oh yeah...Number three: Plain and simple I'm tired of fucking waiting =/ I want to TTC again and I want to TTC now!!!
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