This is your down-sizing notice. The area of space that you inhabit in my jeans is no longer acceptable, and as of Jan. 1st we will be making some changes around these parts. My body is not the gospel so please stop spreading it around. I do not appreciate the jiggle when I brush my teeth. I hope I have given you enough warning.
P.S-Dear Boobs: You might want to consider taking advice from my behind as it has no problem filling things out. Thanks!
That is all.